Don't know how it feels

I cannot say that I personally know what it is like to be addicted to cigarettes. I also cannot say that I know what it feels like to crave a cigarette, or to feel like I need one right then. I think you would have to admit though you are a bit far gone when you are getting out of your car asking people through their car windows at a stop light if they can borrow a lighter.

Yes this happened to me today on the way home from work, it was a first and a little freaky

MORE MEDICINE!

Well I had another doctor's appointment this week, and well the Wellbutrin I was on was simply not enough. The doctor has now started me on Effexor, to help add to the benefits of the Wellbutrin. That's right I am taking two medications at once now. Hopefully this will help my situation.

One reason my situation has been so unstable as of late is, well, my mom eloped last weekend. I wish I could tell you what an ENORMOUS surprise this was. I wish I could say that I was pleased with this news, but in all reality I don't like this guy. I am really trying to adjust to this, I really don't think I can welcome him into my family. I also don't like the idea of my mom changing her last name. Am I being stubborn? Am I trying to hold onto the memory of my father too tightly? I never dreamed I would be in this position.

My mom finding another person who she believes is the "one", only makes my search all the more bleak. My mom is single just over a year and she is married again, while I on the other hand cannot even get a date. Things like this makes one feel like an enormous loser, and not in the slightest bit desirable.

Diet is still going well. I have new pants again that are another size smaller, but I have not tried them on as I am not sure I am ready for them. I think I could fit into them, but I am not ready for the disappointment if they don't. I can't say that I really stuck to the diet last week with all that was going on, but I am back on now and back on the road to a slimmer zestybear.

Work is VERY frustrating as I feel like I am being attacked by my co-workers, they scrutinize my every move, my comings and goings. While I know I work at a factory and cannot expect work to be that fun, but an occasional giggle is not too much to ask I think. They also try to get me in trouble with my bosses, how this helps them I have no idea. Maybe it creates some drama for them, as to make their day go by faster. I have never had a problem with my co-workers not liking me before, this is a new one for me. While I was tempted to quit at first I have decided to stick it out. I am just going to trudge through it and take joy in that Lillian is just outside the office I work in and can talk to her and the hilarious co-workers she has.

That is all I have for now, I really want to update more often but I often don't feel like I have much to post. Well off to get ready for bed so I can go back to work.

How should I title this?

I had an interesting experience the other night. I never realized how attractive the maternal instinct/trait can be in girls. I guess cause right now in my life I really cannot imagine myself with kids, I never really placed a priority on a girls mothering ability. The other night I got to see a girl being a good mom, and I found it strangely appealing. Who would have ever thought it. Someone should have warned me. I guess it really isn't a bad thing, but it really doesn't help any either. I am no closer to finding a girl that even shows an interest in me and there has been yet another item added to the list of desirable things to look for in a woman. I don't even really know why I posted this, I guess I just felt the need to update this thing and this is really the only thing of note I could think of that has happened this week. This could even mean that my life is more pathetic than I once thought, but oh well at least it isn't a secret.