Not keeping this a secret

Ok it is official, I am depressed. I had a pretty rough weekend last week and I decided to visit the doctor at the prompting of a great friend. I never really thought of myself as having a sort of problem that needed professional attention, but after the horrible weekend I had I knew I needed to do something. I have battled with depression for MANY years, but it has been a LONG time since I have had an episode like this one. My doctor pointed to something that I had not given much thought before my appointment. While I was dealing with my depression in years past, I have always sought out food as a solution to my problem. Sugars and carbs that are in many comfort foods supply the brain with something that helps to suppress the depressed feeling. Since I am on this diet, and I hardly ever touch carbs or sweets now I no longer have fix I used to get to deal with how I was feeling. The doc says this happens to nearly 40% of people who are on a successful diets, who have dealt with depression in the past. The result, I started introducing my body to a pill that is going to help my brain suppress the terrible feelings I have had recently. I won't be feeling the effects of this drug for another couple of weeks, I must say though that I wish the stupid pill would kick in faster. The logical rational side of my brain is still intact and functioning, but it is the emotional side that has been running all willy-nilly and dominating my life and personality. I hope to keep you updated as to how this medication effects me and if it actually helps at all. Now on to other things....

Work isn't all that I thought it would crack up to be, kinda frustrating actually. The position I am being trained on there have not been many people trained on so when I make a mistake (and trust me I make many) they seem to be blown out of proportion and upset people more than you think it would. Now there is the threat of increasing our production which will mean even less of a life for me as I will most likely be spending many late nights at the factory working on these silly computers. Isn't being a grown-up grand?

I watched a movie tonight; Love Actually. I don't recommend this movie as there are some pretty dirty parts in it with no real reason as to why they are in there. But let me share this with you; NEVER watch a romantic movie of any sort when you are feeling the way I am described in a previous post and knowing what I know now, as mentioned above. The point of the movie was to show "Love" from many different perspectives. From a widower trying to move on after the death of his wife to man falling for his foreign house keeper. The part that I was able to relate to the most right now, was the poor fellow that had the crush he had on this woman revealed to her. What a horrifying thought, I have nightmares about the thoughts of my mind and feelings of my heart being exposed to the people I think are amazing and truly lovable. Those are things I will take to my grave. I have shared such things with people in the past and the results were nothing less than catastrophic. Which is why I am the emotional hermit I am today, so many broken hearts I am pained just thinking about it.

Ok...that is MORE than enough for anyone.....off to bed early for me....I know I am such a loser