AHH Love

This could end up being one of those posts where it makes total sense to me in my head but to everyone else it will sound like nothing but jibberish, just a warning.

I have found myself loving people recently, and I am not talking romantic, kissy kissy, baby talk, disgusting kinds of love, rather trying to love people unconditionally, like I think Christ would. Don't get me wrong there isn't anyone who could be further behind in the process of sanctification than I am, but I have been trying to love some people no matter what is said, done, or felt. I have been so frustrated with this whole loving thing recently, I feel like I am not getting the results or the feedback that I desire to get from others.

This is why I am writing this today, I have been convicted about how I feel about loving people. I forget so quickly that a Christ like love is so far fetched from my simple under-developed brain. First off I often feel like if I love someone, they should love me back. This so wrong, if I set out to love people only so I can feel loved then I have completely missed what love is. Love is "not self seeking".

I have been so frustrated with people, I try to love them and show them that I love them in open, giving, and affectionate ways, only to face a weird sort of rejection. But my selfish, carnal self always seems to get in the way, "Love is patient". I forget that. If I am going to love someone I feel like I want immediate results, the instant gratification generation I come from has only fed this need in me. None the less, I need to learn that love is patient, and if I want to be part of what love can do for people I need to be patient as well.

I could go on but I think I have already started to confuse myself with what I am trying to say, so I will end this now. I just want those whom I love to know that I know I am so far from perfection, and that even though I love you it may not always seem like it. I am trying to work all this out and it is a much more difficult thing than I would have even anticipated.