Could It Get Any Worse?

My wonderful Granny came over today to bring me some dinner cause I am a cripple and not able to take care of myself. My Granny if you remember from previous entries is not in the best health herself, she suffers from arthritis all over her body. Her hands are cupped and all her joints are stiff and brittle. Granny was just over here trying to take care of me, this also gives her an excuse to get out of the house. Granny gets real lonely ever since my Grandpa died 4 years ago, but enough of that. She was cleaning up the house a little, doing dishes, etc cause she thought my mom would have a hissy when she got home and saw the house. The house looked fine and yes there were some dishes but I had already told my mom and she was ok with it. Granny finishes up and is sitting in the rocking chair watching TV. I am on the computer typing away to my friends. The next thing I know she is no where in sight and there is a screaming coming from the back of the house.

I rush as fast as my poor walker, Herbert, can carry me, and I find my Granny lying on the porch, fallen. Here I am, a cripple on a walker, who could have normally been able to at least get my Granny off the hard cold cement, not able to do a single thing not even able to go out and tend to her. I call frantically person after person to try and get some help and when no one answers I finally call the paramedics. I wait by the door, because I want to be able to let them in as fast as possible and I cannot get around very fast, so I am sad that I cannot at least be near my Granny as she is in pain. The paramedics come in a timely fashion and get my Granny up and in a kitchen chair. She agrees to go to the hospital for an examination and from her attitude as she is being carted away I began to think that her injuries were not that serious.

My mom, uncle, and aunt go out to the hospital to be with my Granny and see how she is doing. Time goes by and there is little word, finally my mom calls me to tell me that she has broken her hip. This is not good this will only compound her existing arthritis. That is all I know for now, there will be more when the surgeon comes in, in the morning.

I feel so responsible for all this. If I had not broken this stupid ankle there would be no reason for her to be over here taking care of me. There would have been no fall, no broken hip, no hospital, no surgery. I feel like it is all my fault, if I was not so needy I would not need all this help and people could be in the safety of their own homes. I really hate having this broken ankle. I feel so helpless and so much like a child. At the same time, I know much of this is because of the way I was raised. I was brought up to be self sufficient, to be the only one I need, if I want a job done right do it myself. Now I am trust into a position where I cannot be any of these things. I am reliant on so many people it is almost scary, I feel very out of control, very up in the air, like my life is in someone else's hands.

Pray for my Granny...please